imperfection

Being through camp already, and overall I gained more than what I expected, some of these on the not so good points about myself. There seems to be so much that I need to change and have self control about, that it seems kind of demoralising and difficult. Yet I want to place my trust in the lord, that even if things seem to be daunting, my trust in him will not diminish but will increase. My viewpoint seems to have changed abit somewhere, just hope that it 's temporary and I can get out of my own mindsets.

A trip to sentosa has actually led me to a place where I can emo/stone with the fresh sea breeze blowing at me, but more importantly allows me to think, reflect and try to slow down my pace to focus on what is important. My heart has started to move again, even as there seems to be no answer found. Workload has increased too, getting busy again..

and the amount of work is cut out for me

With much in place, it seems like all that is required is my participation. Of course it's not that easy but still, perhaps there is a solution somewhere..

fragility

An interesting thing that I thought recently is that of self-defense mechanism against emotional pain. Everyone has different kinds of reactions towards this pain and what's yours? Throughout my reflections, I realised and had to admit my own self-defense mechanism, that its also quite self destructing..

The first time I came across this word 'fragility' was in the game guild wars..it has about the same meaning as the word 'fragile' after some guessing checking on dictionary.com (fragility is a noun) and yesterday, that's the emotional condition I would use to describe myself. It seems like throughout this 1 year since uni started, somehow my emotional hurts were not brought up, as if it's hidden, waiting to strike and it has to come up in April, a month of events after events going on. As a result I feel so emo with any hurtful thing that happens and the process just goes on and on.

Yet however much I feel like giving up, even when I am tired, spent without any visible answer, my soul and even circumstances just refuses to give up; somehow I am able to rebuild myself from the broken-down pieces within me, although sometimes it's just so easy to be broken after being rebuilt again.. and it reminds me of myself being broken in order to be moulded to a better state..